Wednesday, February 17, 2016

The 10 Worst Film Accents of the Past 10 Years

Terrible accents in film are a dime a dozen. For whatever reason, no matter how talented an actor is, they just can't manage to get a particular accent down, causing the entire film to suffer because of it. But hey, they're getting paid a lot of money to perform badly, so we're going to continue to throw millions at them to see it. Besides, if it weren't for the constant flow of terrible accents coming in year by year, we wouldn't have been able to compile this list of the worst movie accents of the past decade. Let's start with 2013...

Tom Hanks, "Captain Phillips" (2013)

Accent: Boston

We felt bad for putting this one first because, come on, who wants to hate on Tom Hanks? But unfortunately, his poor excuse for a former Boston cab driver accent takes you right out of the movie instantly. However, because it's Hanks, you can pull an "it is what it is" pretty quickly and get on with the film, which has so much more going for it than one accent can tear down. Still, it's irritating.

Quentin Tarantino, "Django Unchained" (2012)

Accent: Australian

"Django Unchained" was a pretty solid flick save for a couple of strange cameos (Jonah Hill *cough*) that were very distracting. But no cameo was more off-putting than that of the director himself, Quentin Tarantino. Why was he doing an Australian accent at all, and on top of that, why was it so ungodly bad? Well, as far as the latter is concerned, it was rumored that Quentin just simply couldn't hack a southern accent. Regarding the former, apparently it was a much longer scene and was supposed to be played by a much better actor.

Anne Hathaway, "One Day" (2011)

Accent: British

Everyone would probably agree that Anne Hathaway is a pretty good actress by and large. Yet, she was unable to hold a British accent for the duration of a less-than-two-hour film. We're not going to try and argue that of all accents, British is one of the easier ones to pull off by just impersonating Michael Caine in your own voice, but it's never a good sign when British critics like The Telegraph's Robbie Collin are referring to your performance as "the most honkingly rubbish Yorkshire accents you've ever heard." Maybe if they'd thrown more "honkinglys" into the script, she could have pulled it off, considering that may be the most British-y criticism we've ever read.

Mel Gibson, "Edge of Darkness" (2010)

Accent: Boston

For an Australian who can pull off a near flawless American accent, boy, does Mel Gibson have a hard time with that Boston twang. With some accents (like, perhaps, Australian), we'd almost argue that you should go big or go home if you want it to sound decent. But apparently the same rules don't apply to an Aussie, because Mel's going pretty big here, and we made the obvious ahhb-sahh-vation that it's bad.

Taylor Kitsch, "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" (2009)

Accent: Cajun

If you are doing an accent well, people shouldn't even be able to tell you are doing one at all. Apparently Taylor Kitsch didn't get that memo when he signed on to play Gambit in the first failed attempt at a Wolverine solo flick. Not only does his accent seem to come and go as it pleases, but nothing about it sounds remotely like he's even talked to someone from New Orleans. They should have just dubbed him over with the voice from the '90s cartoon show.

Cate Blanchett, "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" (2008)

Accent: Russian

If you click the link above, you'll notice that at one point in the trailer, Blanchett says "You Vill help us find it," and then not ten seconds later states, "A simple 'yes' Will do." It's called consistency. When you lack in it, how will people even know what generic bad character trope you are going for?

Don Cheadle, "Ocean's Thirteen" (2007)

Accent: British

It's difficult to determine in "Ocean's Thirteen" if Cheadle is going for the British member of an elite group of highly skilled con men, or the newest recruit to a team of chimney sweeps that he REALLY wants to fit in with. Either way, it wouldn't make this movie any more watchable.

Leonardo DiCaprio, "Blood Diamond" (2006)

Accent: South African

Some accents are simply doomed from the start. No matter how well or how bad the actor does with them, it's not going to sound right coming out of their face. Even if DiCaprio is doing a spot-on South African dialect here, it just doesn't compute when you see it. And surely shutting your eyes would only make matters worse, so it's just easier to say it's bad. Yeah, it's bad. Sorry, Leo.

Jessica Simpson, "The Dukes of Hazzard" (2005)

Accent: Southern American

Well, at least no one was expecting gold here. Therefore, we decided the best course of action would be to give you minimal Jessica Simpson butchering a southern accent, and maximum Jessica Simpson in a pink bikini butchering a southern accent.

Angelina Jolie, "Alexander" (2004)

Accent: Ancient Greek

To be fair, who the hell knows how to do an Ancient Greek accent? Just fake it and no one will be the wiser. However, if you just do a sort of Russian accent, people are going to catch on to that pretty quickly. Cate Blanchett could learn a thing or two here.


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